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doomed to a life less than westport.
confusedok. i have the weirdest, slightly sad story to tell. im in CT right now (as most of u guys know.) and it is so different from FL. fun in fl is going to the beach or movies or a party. fun in ct (especially when ur with MY FAMILY) is going to look at houses. (maybe its just my family who does this 4 fun...) ive done this with my mother before, my aunt monica, and just today my aunt marie. today it was not pleasant. we went to DUN DUN DUN: WESTPORT, CT.
it was so confusing. you can never understand how i felt unless youve seen the houses in ct. they make the houses everywhere else look like crack shacks. they are soo huge. these freaking a-millie houses. all i could think of was how bad i wanted to live there. it was like seeing the houses u see on mtv cribz. only REAL. the houses are RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. the impact from seeing them is harder.
but this is what really freaked me out. u would think that the people who live in these 7 bedroom houses would be all stuck up and rude. but we passed by these kids who were playing kick ball in there front yard, and the kid who was closest looked at me and i assumed he would be thinking was "wtf r these weirdoz doin in my neighborhood!?!?" but no. the kid friggin waved at me! he was like TWELVE YEARS OLD! u know that regardless of where they live all 12 yr old boys are a-holes. but no. he waved. i was getting nauseous. i get car sick randomly. and being in the car with the stress of knowing that i dont live in these houses just made me sick. i feel like ill never get a job good enough that will pay 4 anything like that. im just too lazy. im a sorry sack of trash. i want to be rich but im doomed to a regular life. the closest i'll get to rich is an irresponsible day of shopping after a fresh baked paycheck. i once read this book that said "when did the future switch from being a promise to a threat?" that was exactly how i felt! DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED DOOMED. that single word rang through my mind.
how the frig am i supposed to live my life knowing that what i have is a grain of salt compared to what these richies have. westport made my average happiness look like an icecream cone that fell in the sand. their happiness must be a billion times better than mine. and i knew that as soon as i went back to bridgeport in my middle class house and my middle class life i would feel like crap. i wanted to leave westport sooooo bad. i did not want to see anymore of these monstrous houses.
id rather die than see another house i couldnt have. than my aunt marie says "oh and over here on this street check out these..." god. just pull the trigger... but then my cuzin kelly who ate waaay to much icecream says shes ready to go home cuz she wants to lay down. she must have felt the same sickness as me. and i have my private congregation as aunt marie says ok and heads for the highway. finally.
we went to my house to get some more clothes cuz we were staying the weekend at kellys house. i said "hi" and "see u later" to my dad and pulled off. and when we left my street i realized that the first thing i thought when we got to my neighborhood wasnt, "omg look at MY crappy house..." it was, "i wonder who's home... did they miss us? i missed granma. whos been cleaning the house everyday while ive been gone?" i diddnt really care how my house looked anymore. i wanted to see my ganma. diddnt that depression pass like gas. lol
crushed
aggravated
